Q: Et tu, Jonathan? A: Read. Read some more. Buy Red Bull.
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| The Patient Etherized Q: Et tu, Jonathan? A: Read. Read some more. Buy Red Bull. |
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Thursday, October 28, 2004 Every day I call up my parents and yell at them for not conceiving me early enough to enjoy The Gong Show. My girlfriend/phone sex operator is so sweet. She gives me discounts on all my calls. I'm going to make a suppository of these lines. They'll soften up the shit of any hardened comedy veteran. posted by Jon | 3:50:00 PM Wednesday, October 27, 2004 Robert M Schmidt (5:15:53 PM): the other day when I bought those british stocks we had to pay a stamp tax of 0.5% JSchroed03 (5:16:04 PM): did you think about overthrowing the king? Robert M Schmidt (5:16:12 PM): didn't we get rid of the stamp tax 250 years ago? posted by Jon | 5:17:00 PM Monday, October 25, 2004 Weekend Update So now that Jimmy Fallon has left Saturday Night Live Weekend Update has reverted to being terrible. Amy Poehler is the new co-anchor which creates a weird dynamic since she and Tina Fey are the same height and have exactly the same haircuts. Ah for the days of a drunken Norm McDonald. I found this information out right after Game 1 on Saturday night when Milan was trying to find ESPN on the HD TV channels and accidentally got to NBC. The show was stupendously terrible, with a long awkward appearance by Horatio Sanz as the drunken, lecherous ghost of Babe Ruth. Watching Game 1 in HD was really amazing and almost made up for McCarver and Buck's commentating. I have no idea what happened to Al Leiter as the third commentator, but I assume that the SoSH's positive response to him made Fox decide he was doing too good a job. You could see the rake marks on the field, or the footprints that disturbed them. DiamondCam proved to be useless again, except for those intrepid people who have to watch the free feed online while they're at work. Commercials: If I ever see Sir Richard Branson, I'm going to make him the "Dead Rebel Billionaire." I am so tired of seeing the same five promos over and over again. I'm also suing House M.D. for malpractice. Game Play: Enough has been written about the sloppy play of the Sox in the first two games. What about the plays that don't make it to the papers? I personally have never seen someone dig up as big a divot in the ground as Manny did in his drunken attempt to catch that fast-falling fly ball. The problem I see with Manny's play so far is that he hasn't turned his mistakes into big hits. Usually when he makes a retarded error he goes out and makes up for it with his bat. Not so far. By my count he was responsible in Game 1 for driving in one run (and nearly getting thrown out) and allowing two to score. How about Jim Edmond's catch on Varitek's drive? It may have not been Willie Mays in 1954, but I've never seen a catch like that in Fenway. Also, it seems like no ball is capable of going out of the park right now. I hope that the fan who tried to pour beer on him after the catch was kicked out. Game 3: I agree with the line of analysis that says Pedro should be able to pitch deeper into the game than against the Yankees. The Cardinals may have a better middle of the order, but the bottom peters off quickly with Matheny, Taguchi/Anderson, and the pitcher. I would hope for a line like 6.2IP 2-3ER with a low number of walks (his control was pretty poor in his last start). I'm not sure how Foulke can keep going on the way he does, but at least it's to his advantage that he's not a fireball closer who throws 97mph. Trying to find a way to go to St. Louis for one of the games -- possibly Game 4 or 5. Tickets are much cheaper there than in Boston, not surprisingly. posted by Jon | 6:53:00 PM Q: What do you call 25 men watching the World Series? A: The Yankees. posted by Jon | 9:20:00 AM Friday, October 22, 2004 A Horse! A Horse! My kingdom for a healthy Curt Schilling. It's great that the Red Sox have played the best teams of the decade each time they've made the World Series: the '46 and '67 Cardinals were both incredible teams, as was the Big Red Machine and the '86 pre-cocaine (or the effects thereof) Mets of Gooden and Strawberry. I would feel much more confident if I even knew what was going on with Schilling's ankle right now. They had to have taken the sutures out of his ankle, because it's unheard of to leave the skin sewn onto a sheath for so long. I also will be amazed if he can summon up that kind of grit and courage again if the series is not on the line (aka Game 2). But with Curt, you never know what he is capable of. After the game ended the other night I popped open the champagne and gave it to various people around me. The one thing I regret is that I didn't get to watch the game with true blue diehard fans. Most of my friends that were there weren't from Boston and didn't really understand the nuances of being a Red Sox fan, that strange combination of schadenfreude and misery -- both propped up by that heretofore irrational hope. After pouring the bubbly we went out to the stoop of Milan's apartment and watched people dancing in the streets outside Cleary's. There was one guy who kept doing jigs in front of oncoming traffic, much to the cab driver's delight. A few other people joined Mr. Riverdance and they then saw a Mack Truck and did what any normal person after 25 beers and a Red Sox epochal victory would do: they ran like bees to honey and stopped the truck and grabbed it and danced all around until a large beluga whale sized series of honks came out and parted the waters. This is certainly a change from last year's game 7, when I sat in a friend's apartment (TV) in Singapore at 8am and watched in silence with her dad as the Red Sox slowly mounted a lead and very quickly gave it all away. My Ted Williams t-shirt under my Nomar jersey didn't do any good I guess. I actually wore the Nomar jersey for this game, if only to thank Nomar for the years that he was one of the best scrappy hitters (pre-Ichiro) in the A.L. Plus, without the trade we wouldn't be where we are today. posted by Jon | 4:34:00 PM Thursday, October 21, 2004 One of the 7 Great Mysteries Why is it that it's easier to get into a relationship when you meet someone and don't even realize you're talking to someone of the opposite sex or that you might even like that person? And why do I always meet girls in the fall when I'm in this mood? Is this Seasonal Ass Disorder? posted by Jon | 11:08:00 PM Wednesday, October 20, 2004 Who's Your Dealer? Robert M Schmidt (8:08:15 AM): did you go to bed? JSchroed03 (8:08:24 AM): what do you think, assmonkey Robert M Schmidt (8:08:29 AM): no JSchroed03 (8:08:36 AM): I've been drinking red bull and obsessing about the Red Sox JSchroed03 (8:08:43 AM): I don't think I'm going to sleep until after the next game Robert M Schmidt (8:08:48 AM): that was quite an experience JSchroed03 (8:09:35 AM): I'm going to go insane if the Red Sox lose OR win JSchroed03 (8:09:43 AM): I've got a bottle of champagne in the fridge JSchroed03 (8:09:48 AM): I want to be like Stephen King JSchroed03 (8:10:06 AM): when he listened to game 7 of the '86 series, he sat in his car listening to the radio with his arm on the bottle of champagne next to him JSchroed03 (8:10:13 AM): because he had no TV reception in rural maine JSchroed03 (8:10:22 AM): except hopefully I won't be as ugly as he is Robert M Schmidt (8:10:33 AM): or Bill Simmons, who ran out into the street or something and somehow jinxed them JSchroed03 (8:10:36 AM): Do you realize we won without Ortiz doing anything? Robert M Schmidt (8:11:01 AM): after game 5 I was ready to have Ortiz pitch in game 6 JSchroed03 (8:11:02 AM): Do you realize that the Red Sox are way too fucking important to the city of boston? Robert M Schmidt (8:11:07 AM): yes JSchroed03 (8:11:29 AM): I'm very very worried we're going to lose 87-0 JSchroed03 (8:11:34 AM): because we're pitching Derek Lowe Robert M Schmidt (8:11:40 AM): shit, are you serious? JSchroed03 (8:11:42 AM): and it will be the worst letdown of everyone's life *** JSchroed03 (8:13:04 AM): I just watched most of a 1995 Red Sox - Yankees regular season game on ESPN Classics that had absolutely no meaning. I realized however how bad those old Sox teams are. Ortiz is the evolutionary Mo Vaughn. JSchroed03 (8:14:23 AM): I think we should pitch Terry Francona JSchroed03 (8:14:39 AM): Doesn't he remind you of a 12 year old trying to manage a ball club? Robert M Schmidt (8:14:46 AM): we should start Papi and bring Francona out of the bullpen Robert M Schmidt (8:14:55 AM): yes, especially the way he rocks back and forth constantly *** JSchroed03 (8:17:19 AM): should I wear my Ted Williams shirt for good luck tonight? Robert M Schmidt (8:17:24 AM): yes JSchroed03 (8:17:29 AM): or should I wear what I've been wearing Robert M Schmidt (8:17:30 AM): I'm ordering pizza for good luck Robert M Schmidt (8:17:36 AM): actually, wear what you've been wearing Robert M Schmidt (8:17:45 AM): Ted Williams never won a world series JSchroed03 (8:17:50 AM): Yeah I was worried about that JSchroed03 (8:17:58 AM): GREAT LOSERS THINK ALIKE BOY JSchroed03 (8:18:03 AM): I'm definitely not shaving until this is over *** Robert M Schmidt (8:22:29 AM): we haven't even discussed A Rod yet JSchroed03 (8:22:30 AM): Foulke also struck out Sierra looking but they didn't call it JSchroed03 (8:22:55 AM): I think there were actually two infractions on that play Robert M Schmidt (8:22:57 AM): if he'd gotten away with that, he'd have been assassinated Robert M Schmidt (8:23:07 AM): he didn't touch the base JSchroed03 (8:23:10 AM): Oh right. So there were three infractions actually. Did you think that it was the Sox's fault at first? I definitely did Robert M Schmidt (8:23:16 AM): yes JSchroed03 (8:23:17 AM): I thought it was Buckner 2 JSchroed03 (8:23:23 AM): I was like "Sweet Jesus kill me now" Robert M Schmidt (8:23:30 AM): I know JSchroed03 (8:23:49 AM): The third infraction was minor, but Minky was standing in the way and that slowed A-Rod down JSchroed03 (8:23:56 AM): I think A-Rod slapped the ball because he had to slow down JSchroed03 (8:24:04 AM): so Minky kind of saved the day on that one JSchroed03 (8:24:30 AM): the thing is that ARod's foul came before he could have run into Mientkewicz Robert M Schmidt (8:24:33 AM): it was arroyo JSchroed03 (8:24:37 AM): no they were both there JSchroed03 (8:24:42 AM): Doug was behind Bronson, standing in the basepath JSchroed03 (8:25:13 AM): Doug's obstruction slowed down ARod enough that he didn't know what to do, so ARod instinctively slapped the ball away from Bronson JSchroed03 (8:25:35 AM): but it was dumb on ARod's part because if he had just run hard at Minky then he could have gotten the call for obstruction JSchroed03 (8:25:44 AM): but ARod is a pansy so he didn't JSchroed03 (8:26:02 AM): have you noticed that A-Rod doesn't seem threatening at all when he's at the plate, even though he's supposedly the best hitter in baseball? Robert M Schmidt (8:26:24 AM): he's fat JSchroed03 (8:26:26 AM): He's only had one important hit this series, the two run homer off Arroyo JSchroed03 (8:26:43 AM): as TSG would say, he's one of those guys who looks like he's heading to the club after the game JSchroed03 (8:27:08 AM): but think about it, this is a guy who destroys pitchers when he plays on a bad team. But this means he will probably destroy us tonight. *** Robert M Schmidt (8:30:16 AM): who'd have thought Bellhorn would do that? JSchroed03 (8:30:27 AM): I know. I was raving about how terrible he was Robert M Schmidt (8:30:29 AM): I couldn't believe they went with him instead of Pokey Robert M Schmidt (8:30:45 AM): and then he went and earned his keep JSchroed03 (8:30:59 AM): Bellhorn might be the inverse of what Dent is to us. JSchroed03 (8:31:10 AM): The anti-Dent. *** Robert M Schmidt (9:04:34 AM): if the red sox win tonight, it will make up for last season as well as the sept 11 disaster, in my mind JSchroed03 (9:04:40 AM): Haha JSchroed03 (9:05:14 AM): ironic how the New Yorkers are both victim and terrorist in your mind Robert M Schmidt (9:05:15 AM): we should go to Yankee stadium and make a really crass sign saying something about sept 11 Robert M Schmidt (9:05:59 AM): gee, I hope no one in IT is reading this conversation Robert M Schmidt (9:06:36 AM): ok, I have to get some work done posted by Jon | 9:05:00 AM What the fuck? Who makes these assmonkey quizzes? Ok, I took the damn thing twice -- I'm either a 1950s parent or a brute. Fuckers. I should come up to them and offer them a pie and then club them after they say yes. 20 Questions to a Better Relationship eXpressive: 5/10 Practical: 3/10 Physical: 10/10 Giver: 5/10 You are a RSYT--Reserved Sentimental Physical Taker. This makes you a Brute. You are volatile, stormy and incredibly sexy. You have a hungry, fascinating way about you. You are a riot when you're happy and a menace when you're angry. You are strangely appealing to your target sex, and they find themselves drawn in despite their wiser instincts. In your professional life, your type makes you a star, a force to be reckoned with, and the one people trust when they have a problem that's beyond them. In a relationship, you are a bull in a china shop, and if your partner isn't clever s/he may get plowed down. I could warn you to be more communicative with and sensitive to your partner, but that's just not going to happen. You don't ask much of your significant other, so you have no tolerance for high demands on you. For you, it's either love it or leave it. You work hard and play hard. You enjoy a good drink. You have had many lovers and will have many more. People try and fail to get you into bed. They want you for a friend and fear you as an enemy. This may not sound too flattering, but the truth is that because you know yourself so well you're happier in a relationship than most everybody else. Hemingway would write about you. Maybe Hemingway is you. Of the 136768 people who have taken this quiz, 2.7 % are this type. posted by Jon | 5:06:00 AM Tuesday, October 19, 2004 Whew! I watched Game 6 today with my mom and Danny and suffered from approximately 6 heart attacks. Someone must have put some crack in the umps' water this morning because they actually got the calls right -- after they fucked them up! They did try to fuck the Sox by refusing to pull the trigger on a few borderline pitches from Foulke to Sierra with 2 gone in the 9th. The first six innings or so took two and a half hours. The rest of the game took nearly the same time, and I felt like I was being stretched on a rack. I think that by delaying the game with pitching changes, it gives an advantage to the home team (if they're trailing). Fuck I think I've had my share of awkward conversations for a while. This conversation was more like a slow teeth extraction. Part of it had to do with my own conscience coming into play and another part was about how I felt my friend might feel. The issue is whether it's ok to date your best friend's ex. The difficult part is talking to him, which I did. The conversation went as well as expected but the problem for me was that I kept trying to go back over the question "Is that ok" or "Are you sure?" Sometimes simple questions lead to more anxiety than a string of them. I talked to Christina later and she said that two people should be together irrespective of any other people. So both of them agree that "feelings don't matter." It's funny how Christina's become more of thoughtful now that we're officially see(k)ing other people. Or maybe she's just thinking about herself and it happens to be that we're in mirror roles. Haha she's even nicer too. I don't believe in her "be selfish and do what's best for you," because that can hurt friendships such, but I can see some worth in trying to be somewhat selfish. She also said I try to be moral and upright too much and I had proclivities for being immoral. She said to quit pretending -- though I'm not sure if I want to turn into some immoral sketchball (not quite yet at least...will try to reclaim some of my old ideals). It's once again far too late and I've been completely useless today. I haven't even been reading or writing anything lately. This whole relationship thing is consuming me a little too much. I guess that's how they always are in the beginning. Did I do any work whatsoever when I first met Jackie? Oh wait, did I do any work at all the whole year before I met her :-) (I don't think I knew how to even.) In other news, I think I want to pimp my car out a little bit. Tastefully of course (yeah right). The "sport wagon" needs a good stereo system, 17inch rims, and a ghetto exhaust pipe. Oh of course I also need to fix the big dent I put in the car after coming back from New York in early September. As I learned with the Jeep, a nice stereo system increases your chances of getting robbed exponentially. Listening to: R. Kelly and Jay-Z -- Unfinished Business posted by Jon | 4:35:00 PM Monday, October 18, 2004 And I slept for ten hours today, waking up at 5pm, as a means of recovery from an indulgent, expensive weekend in New York City. Here's a bullet point, non-narrative description of the weekend (and yes, I will continue to use two adjectives before the end of every sentence). Friday: 1) Drive with Milan and his roommates to New York, through day, night, nice weather, and hell. Get there about 8:30pm 2) Dinner. Went to a very good Indian restaurant, Chola's, in midtown on the east side. Had really cool drinks that were just a bit too strong -- a gin fizz and an interesting concoction called the Kerala something something. Ordered way too much food, became incredibly full. Good conversation with someone I didn't know at the time, Bo. 3) Went back to Justin, Saad, and Faz's apt and tried to get people to go out. 4) Went to overly trendy NY bar named Mod (upper west side) and saw lots of Dartmouth people. Played and destroyed Justin in Golden Tee (the theme of the bar was retro so they had video games as tables). 5) Went to karaoke in K-Town at about 4am. Nicest place I've seen -- straight out of Lost in Translation -- even though I thought that we were entering a crack house. It was all silver and shiny. We ordered too much alcohol, had tamborines that lit up when they were shook, and did screeching renditions of Gangsta's Paradise, Hey Ma, and November Rain. 6) Decided that food was the thing to do at 5:45am and emerged on 53rd and 6th at the one restaurant that Saad knew was open. It turned out it was a side stall that sells chicken and rice coated in hot sauce and a special sauce. Pretty fucking good. And I had 1$ left when I got home. Fell asleep by 7:45am... on the fucking ground. Saturday: 1) And I woke up at 10am to go to the zoo. 2) I went to meet Stacey at 10:30, only to find out her contacts had broken the night before and she needed to go out to get a new pair. So I fell asleep and was happy to have a comfy place to rest for a few hours. No zoo unfortunately. 3) Went with her to meet two of her acquaintances from Georgetown. Stacey had the great idea of going to Jamba Juice instead of Starbucks. I readily agreed. Thankfully her friends did too. Conversation with them was ok. I tried my best to behave well even if they weren't the sort of people I would hang out with on my own accord. I asked questions and tried to behave like a normal individual. Maybe it even succeeded! 4) Went to dinner in Flushing. I have to say, the selection of Taiwanese food did not exactly make me feel good, as the smelly tofu wasn't my favorite. I'll blame the restaurant, not the food though. Had bubble tea afterwards which was good. Also got reacquainted with the New York metro system. 5) Hung out with Stacey for a while longer, watched Finding Nemo which I hadn't seen before, and decided to go out for drinks around two. 6) Went to a bar called Punch on 23rd and Broadway. Got there ahead of Saad and co so I was reduced to staring at random people I knew by face and not necessarily through any communication on my part. They arrived later and we drank some more. 7) Went to karaoke again at around 5am and sang myself hoarse. Was reduced to babbling afterwards for the next several hours. 8) Reemerged at 350 West at 10:45am and we headed back to Boston an hour later. Nearly fell asleep on the way back but got some bad McDonalds (which made Milan woozy) and Starbucks and got back in good time. More details later, but this is the outline. posted by Jon | 1:06:00 PM Thursday, October 14, 2004 The slowest getaway ever Today I woke up at about 8:15am to hear doors opening and shutting rather violently. (Note: I had also fallen asleep on the couch in the sun room around 3:30am after reading Manuel Delanda's Intensive Science and Virtual Philosophy.) It turns out that the hamster was gone -- again, this being the third time in about two months the hamster has run away. The first time the hamster somehow got out of the cage, which is actually a fish tank. The second time my mom had let her run around in the kitchen with the doors closed, but had gotten a phone call and forgotten to close one of the doors. I found the hamster about six hours later in a bathroom. This time it was my fault, sort of. I was watching TV in the basement and using the new wireless to waste more time (one of the great things about wireless is that instead of just wasting time watching TV, you can double the amount of useless information that hits your brain). My mom came down and told me that she had let "Putzy," the dumb nickname my mom gives the hammy (which some might argue is an equally dumb and less creative name), run around in the kitchen. Well I completely forgot about this and went upstairs about three hours later and probably left a door open too long. So my mom freaks out this morning because the hamster is gone. My hypothesis is that she wants something to freak out about because you'd think that the fact we found the hamster both previous times would have clued her into the fact that nothing egregious could have happened. Plus the first time my mom had lost the hamster for about a week. So while she was fuming and fussing I went downstairs to look around. All the basement doors were closed so she couldn't have gotten underground like the first time, where she managed to live under some floorboards for a while. Then I checked upstairs. No hammy. But finally I went back down and she sort of hobbled out from behind a box and I scooped her up and she was safe and sound, albeit a bit thirsty. So in about seven hours the hamster had managed to move a grand total of fifteen feet downstairs, and thirty feet horizontally. In other news, I have been reading far too little and wasting too much time on the internet. I need to get a decent personal statement in order (my draft now is shitty) and get it to a prof who's kindly volunteered the time to read it. I wonder if warmer weather will attract better looking PhD candidates? Somehow I doubt it, but one can hope. I'm applying to three or four PhD programs in California (including the not so pretty UC Irvine) so hopefully I'll have some chances at one of those places. I hope that applying a second time is not a huge disadvantage (and I'm trying to counteract that with better recommendations from better recommenders in my field and with a better writing sample that's more on topic). It seems like a lot of Americanists want to study the cross-Atlantic literary influences these days. Paul Gilroy's book has had an undue influence in my opinion, at least based on his second book, Against Race, which got very sloppy at the end. posted by Jon | 10:38:00 AM S C H O O L S So far I've decided that these are the schools I definitely am going to apply to: Stanford Modern Thought & Literature program Berkeley Rhetoric Yale English UChicago English Duke English Harvard English UC-Santa Cruz History of Consciousness program To be continued... posted by Jon | 5:21:00 AM Tuesday, October 12, 2004 Yay! It's been long enough and I know I have enough free time on my hands. In fact, I haven't blogged in so long I'd forgotten my password. I'm hoping to make this blog somewhat more private, limited only to those I feel should be reading my entries. I have a few reasons for reentering this world: 1) I'm tired of writing academically. A sample of the gibberish that has been coming out of one of my entrance orifices lately: "Rather than leading to a fascist 'brutal return' like with de Certeau’s minority groups, a minor writer returns to a confused-being that might revive the distinctness of the separated being (and group), reconnecting it with its immersion in life. The resulting loss of the symbols of identity, which now lack much of their former meaning, in exposure to the hegemonic forces creates a new language." I think I've had enough time to master bad writing; I should try to learn how to write about my emotions now. And yes, that sounded just a bit too new age-y. 2) I caught up on Dr. Scott's medeasin blog which I used to read a lot. An old heartbreaking entry he wrote told me it was the right time to start writing. 3) I'm applying to grad schools -- again (dammit) -- and I'll be under some heavy stress to turn in a good application this time. I've been working at it as hard as I can this time. Blogging was always a good way for me to loosen up my brain before plunging into the hard stuff. And it's more fun. I've just finished a second draft of a piece of writing I began last April, on Jack Kerouac and minor literature (a term borrowed from the French philosopher Gilles Deleuze). 4) Keeps me away from the porn... just kidding. We all know it could never do that. However I will be having a lot of free time on my hands and I should use some of it productively... ...which is not to say I have spent the past seven months doing nothing. I've read about 70 books this year and traveled throughout SE Asia (Tioman and Langkawi islands in Malaysia, Bangkok three times, Bali, Luang Prabang in Laos, Angkor Wat in Cambodia) and spent two months this summer in Paris. With that being said, reading is a sedentary and solitary activity, and it doesn't make me get out much, get much (as Lenny Bruce would say). 5) Thinking about what the hell I need to say in my personal statement to make it truly personal has reminded me about why I want to do academics (that is, write about literature) and why I wanted to blog in the first place. And that is because I want to remember my life. I also want to think about my life. I want the kind of feeling that makes you punch each key on your computer firmly and precisely. Too many times I forget things that I did one, two, five years ago. This motivation may be narcissistic because it means I'm afraid of becoming absent-minded and I'm afraid that there may be some family history of that. However, I remember at some point in my life I learned that some people agreed with my intuitions, and that I was not alone in experiencing things this way. It is hard to trust what you think is a narcissistic impulse, but it might just be necessary to produce something worthwhile. Alright, enough blather. I'm hungry and there's a mouse in the house. And, no, I'm not going to eat the mouse. I want to get to my personal statement and have some milk and cookies. posted by Jon | 3:48:00 PM |
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